most of my posts are possitive in nature…
before i write i will give u a few definitions so you may reference what exactly i mean so there is no question what i am trying to communicate…when in doubt, check my definitions…fair enough?
betray:
| 2. |
to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust. |
| 3. |
to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one’s friends. |
family:
any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins
parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.
enemy:
| 1. |
a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent.
please note this definition is PRESENT tense and does not have anything to do with the past…therefore unforgiveness is not an issue. forgiveness must flow every day. |
blasphemy:
irreverent behavior toward anything held sacred, priceless, etc.:
As i was preparing to rant and rave, i looked up the definition of “covenant”…..trying to make the point about family and covenant …i found this:
| 1. |
an agreement, usually formal, between two or more persons to do or not do something specified. |
and
| a. |
the conditional promises made to humanity by God, as revealed in Scripture. |
my conclusion about this is family itself has nothing to do with covenant…other than:
the agreement between God and the ancient Israelites, in which God promised to protect them if they kept His law and were faithful to Him.
meaning – God made a conditional covenant to the family of Israel…the issue that is most obvious and the thing i wouldn’t get hung up on if i kept in mind is covenant itself is an agreement…both people AGREE.
so there goes my rant and rave…we are not bound to covenant between family members (other than man and wife) just because we have similar dna. i was hoping to find something that scripturally MADE us be loyal to one another. but, really there is no “covenant” issue in the Word itself that binds you.
I still must unfurl my recent problem. when confronted with a situation where betrayal is unfolding before my eyes, i began to think on this loyalty issue…my husband comes from a family who boasts of unconditional love and loyalty to the grave - bragging on the Italian heritage that they all stick together, even in hard times. the very words echo from the first week we started dating “our family may not agree on everything, but we are there for eachother no matter what.” this impressed me greatly as i come from a family who stabs each other everytime someone turns around (this is my dad’s side). the pictures are all smiley but they speak daggers of blasphemy against the ones they supposedly hold “dear.” Because this is where i come from, i was blessed to marry into a family who loves each other and is so enthusiastic about family.
you can expect how undone i have become and utterly awestruck, speachless, profoundly baffled when over the last year the very ones who so vainly spoke of their conviction to loyalty are the ones who’s jab is felt the deepest. not by me, though i feel it too. how in the world can this happen? can’t they see what they are doing? surely they don’t realize…and on we go trying to figure out this rubix cube of emotion…angry, sad…seems so obvious…and yet…they have lost their beloved family member…i don’t think they even realize it…or maybe they do.
the excuses flow wildly and i can hear them, though we don’t converse. i happen to know that this very situation has caused a breach in this strong as an oak tree family. the situation is now the elephant in the room…people on both sides, unwilling to bring up the subject. can this gap be bridged?? oh yes. always.
so why do i consider covenant? my misconception was family binds us to eachother as a covenant. but it does not. covenant is a 2 way street. a relationship, give and take, what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is yours, your enemies are my enemies, your friends are my friends. because i hold this standard on family, does not mean everyone does. notice, the word betrayal has to do with expectations. our hurt is because of the expectation that certain actions shouldn’t be happening. “family wouldn’t do this…family wouldn’t do that…” i am guilty of these very words…because its my perception.
aligning with, being friendly with our enemies (this is a good place to check the definition) – people who hate us, isn’t going to put our relationship on the best path. especiallay when the expectation is adherence to the family bond. ok, so you may not realize it but im taking responsibility for my own offense here…
my expectation of certain relationships were completely unrealistic, and realizing this, i set them free to be connected to whomever they choose. does this mean i trust any of them? absolutely not, but i forgive and can guardedly move forward. knowing my absolute trust in the family i have and circle i have decided to put around me is totally trustworthy. these are the ones who will go to battle for me and with me…loving me without condition and with whom i can say we are in covenant…
